Τετάρτη, Οκτωβρίου 31, 2007

Chuck Norris FOR EVER!

Λοιπόν περιττό να πω το γέλιο που βγάζουν οι ατάκες για τον Chuck Norris.

Σε αυτό το ποστ γράφουμε τα best of Chuck Norris σε comments.

Για όσους δεν έχουν διαβάσει, σκονάκια δεξιά στις 'σοβαρές προτάσεις'.

175 σχόλια:

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

gkarkamelious είπε...

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Ανώνυμος είπε...

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Ανώνυμος είπε...

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris

Ανώνυμος είπε...

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

Ανώνυμος είπε...

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Ανώνυμος είπε...

When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly.including this one

Ανώνυμος είπε...

Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.

Pitselos είπε...

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Pitselos είπε...

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Pitselos είπε...

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

Pitselos είπε...

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

gkarkamelious είπε...

It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

gkarkamelious είπε...

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

gkarkamelious είπε...

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Pitselos είπε...

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

gkarkamelious είπε...

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

gkarkamelious είπε...

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

gkarkamelious είπε...

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

Pitselos είπε...

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

gkarkamelious είπε...

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

gkarkamelious είπε...

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

gkarkamelious είπε...

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

gkarkamelious είπε...

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

gkarkamelious είπε...

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

gkarkamelious είπε...

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

gkarkamelious είπε...

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.


Χμχμχμ... κάτι μου θυμίζει αυτό!

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Ανώνυμος είπε...

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

gkarkamelious είπε...

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

gkarkamelious είπε...

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

gkarkamelious είπε...

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Ανώνυμος είπε...

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

gkarkamelious είπε...

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Pitselos είπε...

Ρε, χαλαρώστε λίγο!

gkarkamelious είπε...

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

gkarkamelious είπε...

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

gkarkamelious είπε...

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

gkarkamelious είπε...

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.

gkarkamelious είπε...

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

gkarkamelious είπε...

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

gkarkamelious είπε...

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

gkarkamelious είπε...

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

gkarkamelious είπε...

For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

gkarkamelious είπε...

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

gkarkamelious είπε...

It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

gkarkamelious είπε...

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.

gkarkamelious είπε...

After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

gkarkamelious είπε...

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.

gkarkamelious είπε...

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.

gkarkamelious είπε...

For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The wind of Chuck Norris’s round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away

gkarkamelious είπε...

There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down

gkarkamelious είπε...

When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame

gkarkamelious είπε...

On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris invented the question mark.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.

gkarkamelious είπε...

If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.

gkarkamelious είπε...

The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.

gkarkamelious είπε...

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.